A PLACE FOR THE BITS THAT DONT FIT ANYWHERE ELSE...

Growing-Up…
Gordon was up in his bedroom. He had been bouncing on the bed for ages. He liked bouncing on the bed. Boing, boing, boing it went, and up, up, up into the air he went. Bouncing on the bed was almost as good as playing in the park. If he stood on the chair, climbed onto the sill and craned his neck, he could almost see it out of the window. The windows were fixed though because everything in the house was air-conditioned, or central-heated, or something like that. Well, he didn’t like that, he didn’t like that at all. He liked dinner time though, yes, he liked dinner time alright. Sometimes funny people would come to the house. They came in big cars that were shining and new. They ate lots of different things then, not like normal days. They even had special puddings.
He began bouncing on the bed again. Boing, boing, boing it went, and up, up,up into the air he went. This time it was different thought. He had puthis under-pants on over his trousers, and wrapped a towel around his neck as a pretend cloak. Boing, boing, boing went the Super-Hero.. He was off to right wrongs. To save people in distress. To help the earth. Boing, boing, boing went the bed, and up, up, up into the air he went.
Suddenly there was a knock on his bedroom door. But he didn’t hear the knock as he was having such a good time. The knock came again. And again. And again, until suddenly the door was opened, and a lady was looking at him.
“I’m sorry to bother you Prime-Minister but your 11o clock appointment is here!”
Oh bother…Gordon hated it when that happened.
He was going to have to grow up again...for a while at least. He had to speak to the Kenyan Ambassador about Fiscal-Policy, Fair-Trade Deals and Monetary Levity. Then he had to host a lunch with the head of the CBI, all the while thinking about boinging on the bed.

‘Good morning, good morning’ the general said,.
When we met him last week on our way to the line.
Now the soldiers he smiled at are most of them dead,
And we’re cursing his staff for incompetent swine,.
‘He’s a cheery old card said Harry to Jack,
As they slogged up to Arras with rife and pack.’
But he did for them both with his plan of attack....
--oo--0--oo--
I’d like to see a Tank come down the stalls,
Lurching to rag time tunes, or ‘Home Sweet Home,
And there’d beno more jokes in Music Halls,
To mock the riddled corpses round Bapaume.
--oo--0--o--
Poetry? Yes?. So? But what has that got to do with Dundee then...?
A little bit at least. At the end of the 19th Century, the city fathers of Dundee held a competition to place a monument to the Queen Empress, the great Victoria, in honour of her Golden Jubilee, in a prominent position for all to see and recognise. Finally, after much discussion a short list of two sculptors were drawn up. One was Harry Bates, a late starter in artistic terms, but in a short life produced amongst other works the Pandora in the Tate in London and the majestic statue of Lord Robert’s of Calcutta. The second was Hamo Thornycroft, with whom Bates had worked on the friezes and sculptures of the Institute of Chartered Accountants in Moorgate. Thornycroft was a sculptural giant, producing the Cromwell standing outside Parliament. The Alfred that embraces Winchester High St and his Gladstone in the Strand. Strangely the two men never met. They never conversed, by letter or telephone. Strangers they were. Stranger they remained.
Bates won the commission. Producing a stern, verdigrise, pigeon dropped edifice that few now notice. A Queen in old age. Stern. Unforgiving. A constant reminder to her subjects that she, and she alone ruled them all. The frieze that surrounds the voluminous figure contains many scenes from the life of the Empress. Her Coronation, Her marriage to the blessed Albert. Her good works amongst the poor. Her dalliances with men in kilts, that history has taught us she loved perhaps a little too well.. Her sufferance of the injured from the Crimea. The acceptance of the Crown of India, and so on, and so on.
If that is what Dundee did for her? What did she do for Dundee...?
She simply did what Queens and Kings do...she waited and watched.
From her position in front of the museum. she looked down on generations of shop-girls, jute-spreaders and mill-workers.. They met in front of her, all those lover’s over the years. First dates. Last dates. First kisses. Last kisses. Innocent fumbles, that turned in time to full blown lust. Producing more of the same. Children who produced children. Who produced children.. Who produced children. Doomed to early death. Workhouses. Steamies. Washouses. Mangles, middens and muck. Poverty. Misery. Ah, but there was always war! The great saviour. They left in misery. They left in loss. In tears. Steam groaning and complaining. Blooming like a thousand daffodils as the carriages that creaked over the already broken bridge. Embracing the redemption or oblivion that lay beyond them.
It was a cold night, in the third year of the war and the first frost of winter was blooming like violets on the ground. The Congreve’s and Verey’s lit up the sky like bonfire night and stumbling in the darkness the Captain found the body bound in a heap. It was half-dead. It was half-alive. At that time he was unsure which.Desperately he tried to staunch the flow of blood like a sprung waterfall. Trying to avoid the cancerous death that was hidden deep amongst the stuttering of the guns and the monstrous rattle of the unforgiving rifles. ‘Mad Jack, for that was what the Captain was known struggled out into no man’s land and brought the body back.
The Captain who cradled the dead body in his arms was Siegfried Sasoon the writer of the above poems and nephew of Hamo Thornycroft. The boy, William Arthur Bates, the son of Harry Bates.
And still, after all these years, Queen Victoria silently looks on. Whilst Dundee goes about it’s daily business...