…UPDATE…

Chaps…where have we been?

Yes, we know where you have been, and that you are still, well, there, and we are still, well here…so what has been the problem then…? Us I’m …Mayhem, murder and madness have stalked the Towers almost since our launch in the late summer. The Memsahib is finally back on her feet after a long illness - read the recent Major for the answer..! Mrs PJ is in rehab, and who knows how long that will last? And of course no one asks about me do they? So then, these traumas aside - what’s new on the site? Well, the first instalment of  afraidJohnno is in place - more will follow. The Monthly Play, more tales of Daring Do from WW11has grown - another two have been added. The Johnson‘s have expanded, whilst a new section of Kidz Tales has been added. The Bitz That Don’t Fit has also expanded.

Hopefully, the Memsahib our numerous children, servant’s, frequent visitors and indeed hangers on health not intruding, we should update from now on every 3 to 4 weeks. Honest…So read on and perhaps, even enjoy… ? If not, e-mail me if you can be arsed,

PS…Our heartfelt congratulations to the young American woman who managed to crash her car into the back of another whilst travelling on a Florida Freeway…On the way to meet her new boyfriend she was otherwise engaged at the time of the accident, trimming up her hirsute nether regions. Now we at the Towers are all for adventurous topiary and bikini-line maintenance, but for goodness sake, pull over first…

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Having  been  part  of  the  Dumpdee  Website  THE  MAJOR  felt  that  he  still  had  much  to  contribute to  the  written  word  and  the  world  at  large;  hence  this  new  site... 

We  will be  updating most weeks-time permitting-and will endeavour to achieve one thing, to make you laugh.

We  also  hope that  some of  the  pieces-especially THE  MAJOR - Whose views and actions are entierly his own - will give  you  cause  for thought.  This  ia  a  site  dedicated  to  the  art  of  satire,  and  in  no way  does  it  intend  to  cause  offence  to  anyone,  other  than  the  guilty  parties  -who  know  who  they  are  by  now  anyway  -  or  at  least  they  should  do...

CONTENT

THE  MAJOR  ARCHIVE -  can  be  found  in  the  pages  covering  2005/08.  so  that  those  who  are unfamiliar  regarding  the  exploits  at  HILLTOWN  TOWERS  can  be  brought  up  to  date...

THE  JOHNSON'S - A  tale  of  simple  Dumpdee  Folk  which  will  be  updated  often...

TRIVIA  -  Is  exactly  that,  anything  that  does  not  have  a  secific  destination...

CHEESE  OF  THE  WEEK  -  Will be  brought to  you  in  an  effort  to  extend  the  delights  of  the  FROMAGE  counter  at  your  local  Spar...

THE  MONTHLY  PLAY  -  Each  of  these  extravagant  productions  will  have  been  staged  at  THE  TOWERS  at  somtime,  and  so  are  brought  to  you  at  no  great  expense.  They  are  of  course  the  on-going  stories  of  Squiffy  and  the  Wing-Co,  and  the  glorious  part  they  played  in  WWII...

THE  EAST-HIGHLAND  MIDGE  CIRCUS  -  Contains  the  lost diaries  of  John  Brown,  Queen  Victoria's  ghillie.  They  contain  graphic  insights  into  not  only  Brown's  life,  but  into  important  historical  moments  during  the  Victorian  era...

THE  JOCKS  IN  FROCKS  -  A  selection  of  photo's  with a  Scots  theme... 

JOHNNO  THE  MISSING  YEARS  -  Fills  us  in  on  the exploits  of  the  late  Deputy  PM,  JOHNNO  'man  o' the people'  PRESCOTT.  So  few  people  know  of  his  early  career's  that  we  thought  it  important  to  set  the  record  straight...

FACELESS  DAVE  -  He  can  be  whatever  you  want  him  to  be?  A  regulary  updated  column  direct  from  Westminster  on  the  lad's  latest  utterings... 

ASK  THE  MEMSAHIB  -  Yes  you  too  can  tap into  the  font  of  wisdom  that  is  THE  MAJOR'S  Spouse.  Ask  her  any  question  no  matter  how  embarrasing  or  trivial  and  she  will  give  you  an  answer  (perhaps  not  the  one  you  are  looking  for,  but  an  answer  nevertheless  -  ED) 

BLOGGER  BERT  -  A  man  you  do  not  wish  to  sit  next  to  on  the  No22.  Whatever  he  has  to  say,  you  do  not  wish  to  hear  it...

AS THE SITE IS STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION MORE CONTENT WILL BE ADDED AS TIME ALLOWS...

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'CONTRACTS'

"The  party  of  the  first  part,  shall  heareafter  be  know  as  the  party  of  the  first  part...!"

"I  don't  like  it'

SOME  TIME  LATER...

"And  here  we  come  to  the  Sanity  Clause!"

"Eh  you  cant  fool  me.  I  know  their  aint  no  Sanity  Clause..." 

THE  MARX  BROTHERS/A  NIGHT  AT  THE  OPERA  

©  Please  Note 

Everything  on  the  Site  is  copyright  of  The  Novel.  No  items  may   be  transmitted,  reproduced,  copied  or  generally  fiddled  with   except  by  agreement  with  the  editor. 

All  photo’s  and  graphics,  if  not  self  produced  are  believed  in  all  good  faith  to  be  in  the  public  domain.  Should  this  not  be  the  case,  please  e-mail  and  any  discrepancy  will  be  rectified  as  soon  as  possible...Apart  from  the  obviously  satirical  pieces  all  material  is  fiction,  and  in  no  way  meant  to  resemble  anyone,  living,  dead,  or  simply  unsure  if  they  are  or  not… 

                 Any queries or enquiries, please-mail the editor at-

                                mail@thedumpdeemajor.co.uk                                                                                                                                                                                                      thedumpdeemajor@aol.com